im sorry to say that i will not be able to blog for a indefinitely time sence i dont have access to a computer right now so for all you readers please have patience and i will try to solve the problem as quickly as possible .

cant let go

i keep telling myself that im happy when really im not . the truth is i miss you , i dont understand why you are gone ... i think about you every single day and your the reason keeping me
up at night ... this wasnt the plan you know , it was never going to end this way . i had just got back on my feet and had finally everything figure out but one thing i didnt know was that just around the coner waited a tragedy so terrible that i couldnt even imagine in my worst nightmare . it kicked me all the way down again but this time i wasnt at the bottom , i was ten times lower down ... it was and it still is really hard for me to get up in the morrning , i think thats the reason why i have stoped going to bed . i have so many feelings these days that its getting hard for me to gather them and pick out one and try to focus on that one , they all just kinda floats around in my head ... im a mess and it starts to show , i cant do anything anymore . i got your last words on my mind , if only you where here with me then i could tell you everything but your not ... every choice i make is a new mistake , every turn i make and every step take to run away from your memory seems impossible for me . it doesnt matter where ever i go everything i see is you , i dont know how to get by . you are everything i need . i try to runaway from it but i just cant let go ... i wish you where here with me right now , i wish you would make my pain go away . i wish we could trade places . its funny beacuse before i didnt have anything to say but now that your gone i have so manny things to tell you , things i should have said when i had the chance . do you remember all the things we did together ? im tripping on how much i really miss you . if it wasnt for the will that god had made , i would turn back the hands of time and take your place . i cant belive my ears in what everybody is saying , its easy for them to say just move on but they dont know the half of it . im dying every second that your gone . im not okay im a mess and the truth is i miss you dad ...

why is it that its so hard to tell the truth

but yet so easy to tell a lie ?

and then there are days like this

some things never change , like the smile thats

within you and is desperate to come out ...

so many things has happend in my life and i

think that everyone will agree with me when i say

that luck just aint something my family has .

seems like everything that possible can go wrong

will go wrong . we always sink down to the bottom

and when we think that we cant get any lower we

sink even futher down . its hard to struggle every

single day and never get a break . somtimes we

forgett why we even bother to care sence its going

to start all over again tomorow but then there

are days like today when everything seems to fall

in to the right places . all thoese days , months and

years we have spend at the bottom of the ocean and

all thoese tears that has fallen from our eyes are

forgotten but just for today ...

my family arent big , we are not perfect either

and dont ever have any luck , despite all that i

would never exchange them for anything in the hole

world cuz there is one thing that we will always have

and thats love . we have love for each other and

because of that love we have a reason to fight back

every single problem that we face , thats why we

bother to care . we care because when a day like this

comes along it makes everything ells disappear ...

like i said some things never change like that smile

you know you have , its just hiden somewhere inside

you and when you let that out you know that all thoese

sleepless night and all thoese tears are really worth it

cuz in the end that smile sets its mark and that mark

is like a scar you will have it for the rest of you life and

always remember that day when you had

a smile on your face ...

no love

nights full of fears and my eyes full of tears and its all cuz i have been hearing the same lies for so long now . i cant get a break no matter how hard i try and i lost my real love so i took the closest thing i could find , but he was far away from perfect . he said that he would always be around but its diffrent now . im stressing out cuz i cant figure it out .. he swept me of my feet . when i meet him it was love at first sight , he didnt even curse , he said that he was the church type . he was almost mr right until our first fight , then i found out that he was worse then my last one cuz he hit me in the face so hard that it hurt to bite . and now im uncertain of this person i loved but i keep making excuses for him beeing abusive cuz i want it to work this time so i convince my mind that its fine but in time i will find that real love aint defined with violence and if im crying every night just cuz some guy decided that its okay to hit me then its time that i learn from my misstakes . i need to stop denpending on my man for love and start depending on my man above . cuz i am an angel ..

a good day

all days arent bad , i have learnd that

some days are just wonderful ..

so i guess i was right when i said that

i hope my god memories will

outlive all the bad ones ..

today was a god day , only 364 days left ,

then i can say i have had one good year in this life ..

i hope my good memories

will outlive all the bad ones