cant let go

i keep telling myself that im happy when really im not . the truth is i miss you , i dont understand why you are gone ... i think about you every single day and your the reason keeping me
up at night ... this wasnt the plan you know , it was never going to end this way . i had just got back on my feet and had finally everything figure out but one thing i didnt know was that just around the coner waited a tragedy so terrible that i couldnt even imagine in my worst nightmare . it kicked me all the way down again but this time i wasnt at the bottom , i was ten times lower down ... it was and it still is really hard for me to get up in the morrning , i think thats the reason why i have stoped going to bed . i have so many feelings these days that its getting hard for me to gather them and pick out one and try to focus on that one , they all just kinda floats around in my head ... im a mess and it starts to show , i cant do anything anymore . i got your last words on my mind , if only you where here with me then i could tell you everything but your not ... every choice i make is a new mistake , every turn i make and every step take to run away from your memory seems impossible for me . it doesnt matter where ever i go everything i see is you , i dont know how to get by . you are everything i need . i try to runaway from it but i just cant let go ... i wish you where here with me right now , i wish you would make my pain go away . i wish we could trade places . its funny beacuse before i didnt have anything to say but now that your gone i have so manny things to tell you , things i should have said when i had the chance . do you remember all the things we did together ? im tripping on how much i really miss you . if it wasnt for the will that god had made , i would turn back the hands of time and take your place . i cant belive my ears in what everybody is saying , its easy for them to say just move on but they dont know the half of it . im dying every second that your gone . im not okay im a mess and the truth is i miss you dad ...